Those Phrases shared by My Dad Which Rescued Me during my time as a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was just just surviving for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of being a father.

However the reality soon proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… each outing. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good spot. You must get support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a larger failure to talk between men, who continue to hold onto damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It is not a display of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a pause - taking a few days overseas, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a friend, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their struggles, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."